Hypnosis for Lovers: Intensifing Intimacy & Sensuality

by bonnie on January 27, 2011

Here is a transcript of my recent interview with Donny Regal,  events coordinator and compassionate communications  teacher at Celebrations of love in Corte Madera, California.  In it he describes a powerful process that lovers can use with one another to bring tremendous pleasure and fulfillment into their relationship.

Bonnie Gabriel (BG):  I’d like to introduce you to a delightful renaissance man.  His name is Donny Regal.  He’s a music producer, composer, and a man who likes to delve into the deep places of the human mind & heart, finding better ways to communicate and connect.  In his quest, he’s used various approaches, including Tantra, NVC (non-violent or compassionate communication), and NLP  (neurolinguistic programming).

However, one that he is finding particularly effective, is a special form of hypnosis, that does not require a formal trance induction.   Last week, he did a demonstration of this method with me,  that was not recorded.  Today, he will again demonstrate this process using me as a subject, so I can record it and share it with my readers.  So, if you’d like to learn how to do this for yourself and discover something quite personal about me,  your humble blogger and seeker – read on!

BG:  Donny, you’ve talked about using a special form of hypnosis as a way of connecting more deeply with a lover, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and sexually.  I’d love for you do demonstrate this, but first, could you give my blog readers a brief philosophy of your approach?

Donny Regal (DR):  In our relationships, we spend lots of time doing activities together, negotiating, arguing, struggling to get our own needs met, etc.  But how much time do we spend exploring our own and our partner’s core values and deepest longings? Only by doing so, can we have access to the essential part of one another’s being.  We’re all so different – that’s the unique thing about us.  What rocks your world or turns you on or makes you excited or even angry can be completely and uniquely different from someone else.  So it’s a very precious, intimate experience to really understand the unique values and needs and perspective on life that our lover holds dear.

For instance, I might  continue to buy you bouquets of flowers thinking what I’m doing will make you happy, and perhaps, get you turned on and hot for me.  But, I may not realize that gifting you with flowers will not have nearly as much meaning for you as say, writing a poem that expresses my love, or taking you out dancing.  So instead of basing our reality on what we think works for somebody else, we first explore our partner’s psyche to find out what truly moves or excites them.  I call this finding your partner’s “pleasure buttons” – and I don’t mean just sexually.  I mean in terms of what makes them feel most cared for, appreciated and understood. And such practice is often missing in relationships.  We take them for granted.  But the lack of such experiences is what often fuels the greatest conflict and dissent between couples.

So, how can we help each other find our unique “pleasure buttons”.?  Of course,  Compassionate Communication, which you’ve already discussed in prior blogs, is a very powerful way of sharing unmet needs and longings.  But I also find that a gentle form of hypnosis – that does not require a formal trance –  can sometimes be even more powerful.

BG:  My readers would love a demo of how you might go about doing this.

DR:  The good news is, it’s really easy.  You don’t have to use formal indoctrination, just ask your partner to relax, breathe slowly and gently tune into a place in his or her heart or mind where she holds her core values about what truly matters,  what make him feel most alive, what she most longs for others to know about her – or some other meaningful question.   Just asking such a question of yourself or your partner can induce a light trance that allows easier access to the subconscious.

So, to demonstrate:  Bonnie, I asked you this once before in a recent session:  What do you most love and value about yourself. – that you wish others would see. And what I got from you was a quirky, artistic and musical self that yearns to be known.  So now that I know that, I’m going to reinforce it by saying, Bonnie, I can really get how much you long to bring out that quirky musician part of you in a place where you feel safe and not judged.   In fact, I sense that you would like others to delight in this particular quality that you possess.

BG:   Exactly.

DR:  So let’s try the process again:  Bonnie, go deep inside yourself  – and see if you can get in touch with something else there that yearns to be seen and recognized – a core value, a quality of who you are – or a strong need or desire .

BG:  (Taking some time to get a felt sense of what’s alive in me, after hearing  Donny’s question.)  I can feel a couple of things stirring.  But one that seems particularly strong, especially when I’m in a relationship is:  I yearn for my partner to notice what in me sets me apart from all the other women he’s been with – what is uniquely special and irreplaceable in me -  because that’s what I look for in him – his peerless, rare, endearing qualities .   I treasure that and I yearn for it.

DR:  So you’re really longing to be seen in the unique qualities you have as a woman

BG:  Yes, and not just generic female energy.

DR:  Not just seen as an attractive, alluring woman.. But a specific, unique quality that you have that sets you apart.

BG:  Yes.

DR:  So an important question I would want to ask you about this is:  How would you know when I was experiencing you like that?   Give me an example of something that I might do that would tell you that I am indeed sensing that part of you?  I don’t want to make any assumptions.

BG:  It’s when my partner says something to me like,  “I really love that about you.  I love that you’re so finely attuned to song lyrics or poetry or music that moves you so deeply.  I love that quality about you.   And I love how sensitive you are to the way a singer interprets a song.

DR:  So when someone can really see, hear, feel, taste the different unique qualities of Bonnie – the way you find rare songs that may not be very popular but special – and so unique that you have a profound need to share them.  Again, it’s that musician in you who loves to be seen for that special quality.

And if we were in a relationship – and even as your good friend – I would continue to look for and notice those special unique qualities in you and keep feeding back to you what I observe.  I’d continue to give you recognition and appreciation for these qualities.  How does that make you feel?

BG:  Gotten, known, validated.

DR:  And when you discover the parts in me that I long to have seen – it creates tremendous depth of connection on all levels and makes our sensual connection even richer.  Because we’re constantly firing off or triggering one another’s “pleasure buttons”. – recognizing those special places together

BG   Yes.  And when you and your partner really experience that you have one another’s best interests at heart it really evokes deep trust.

DR:  Absolutely.   And during the hypnotic process we begin to anchor those needs.  We see that by me demonstrating that I want to explore finer ways to fulfill your needs and you want to discover more effective ways to meet mine -  how much richer our relationship becomes!  And as we continue to evoke one another’s unique pleasure buttons it will continue to become even more exciting,  sensual, and intimate  – and it’s going to make us want to give more and more to each other.

BG:  You know, a lot of people don’t experience anybody caring that much about their inner being.  Even in a relationship you’ve been in for years, you might ask, “does my partner really want to know me that deeply?”

DR:  Imagine if that gets completely turned around?  When we start to experience caring at that level, we start to feel more loved and develop the capacity to love more.  Because I believe we’re wired for reciprocity

BG: I do, too.  The need for contribution – to have a positive impact on someone else’s life  -  is just as strong as the need to have our own needs fulfilled.

DR: And when we do this kind of depthful exploration, allowing us to be mutually of service to one an other – it impacts our spiritual life, as well.  When we help the people around us to feel more enriched it brings greater meaning and value to our lives.  It creates a spiral of energy that has profound impact within us, with our loved ones, our community, and with all the precious beings that we encounter.

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