While many of my blog posts have covered some of the ways you can increase your skill and artistry in the active mode of speaking erotically, it is just as important to develop your skill in the receptive mode of erotic listening.
As I describe in my book THE FINE ART OF EROTIC TALK, “While taking a warm shower have you ever closed your eyes and just concentrated on the feel of the soothing water on your skin? Sensual listening involves a similar disposition – a relaxed, yet focused awareness of the way your lover’s words (and the sound of his or her voice) affect your body, your heart and your soul.” In such a state, your lover’s words can begin to feel like erotic caresses. But how do you get there? Well, here is an exercise that can help you to more finely tune your sensual listening skills.
(For this exercise it will be helpful to have a favorite erotic novel, sensual poem or sultry song. If you have nothing available, you may use the erotic poetry in my recent blogs: Erotic Troubadours, Part 1 and Part 2. (Click on link.) Or you may wish to read from my e-manual, Your Daily Verbal Aphrodisiac: Sensual Suggestions and Romantic Enticements. If you do not have a copy of this publication, you can acquire one ($12) by clicking on the title link.
Exercise: WHOLE BODY LISTENING
Sit opposite your beloved on a comfortable chair, pillow or backjack. Sink into the support of the ground, your chair/pillow, bringing your awareness into the areas of your body that need release, just noticing and accepting whatever sensations are there. See if you can hold the attitude of a curious explorer, simply noticing what’s there without attempting to alter it in any way. Allow yourself to listen to your lover’s voice with that same attitude of discovery.
Now, ask your partner to read to you from the piece of literature that you have mutually agreed upon, or, if easeful, to sing – from a grounded place deep within his or her body.
Close your eyes and allow those words and sounds to flow over your skin like sensuous massage oil, onto your tongue like melted chocolate, and through your body like warm honey.
Notice the kinds of feelings these words and sounds evoke within you. Perhaps you feel a tingle, a rush of warmth, a flood of emotion? Whatever they are, relax and enjoy them. Also notice where you experience these delicious sensations – on the surface of your skin, in your heart, your tummy, your genitals – or all over? And do they move from one area to another or do they fill all parts of you at once?
Now imagine that the auditory nerves in your ears – that allow you to take in sounds – have been regenerated all over your entire body – so that you can actually hear through your skin. First take in the sounds between your toes, then between your fingers. Try listening with the area behind your knees, or the bend in your elbows. Now imagine that the sound is coming through the small of your back, the nape of your neck, the palms of your hands. Now let the sounds penetrate the skin of your chest and enter your heart. Continue to take in these luscious sounds through your abdomen, your thighs, your genitals. As you listen through these new auditory nerves, notice how and in which part of your body they affect you most. In some parts they may sooth and relax you, while in others they stir and excite you. Whatever their impact, just notice and enjoy.
At some point you may wish to reverse roles with your partner so that each of you has the experience of being both giver and receiver. Afterwards, it can be helpful to give each other feedback on what was especially pleasurable. Or if you noticed some things that didn’t work for you, see if you can envision what it would take to change the exercise so that it would work for you. Once you’re clear, then share that image. Perhaps you would like your partner to speak more slowly, softly or in a lower register of his or her voice. Whatever your concern, your partner will most likely be able to take it in more graciously, if you first acknowledge him or her for the parts that did work for you.
In a future blog post I will be discussing ways to deepen your partner’s pleasure in erotic listening by learning and using his or her “primary processing mode”.
Note: If you have feedback or questions, you may leave your comments on this blog, or send me an email at: wordsforlovers@gmail.com
