In this post, we continue with part 4 of the edited transcript of an interview I gave on a recent net radio program. It’s called Sex: Tantra and Kama Sutra, hosted by Francesca Gentille, Director & Founder: THE LIFEDANCE CENTER.
If you haven’t yet read Part 1 simply click on this link: Talk Sacred to Me, Baby – Part 1. It covers many different aspects of erotic communication, including overcoming shyness, gently introducing erotic talk into a new relationship, how to use words to match your partner’s preferred sensory mode- auditory, visual or kinesthetic and more. And, if you missed part 2, you can access it here: Talk Sacred to Me Baby – 2, which discusses how to use words to attract a new partner and to deepen the sensual bond with your beloved. If you’ve not read Part 3, just click on these words: “3 – Sharing Erotic Fantasies” to access that post. In it we discuss the art of creating a safe, loving space for sharing your wildest and, perhaps, kinkiest fantasies with your lover.
FG: You also discuss in your book, The Fine Art of Erotic Talk, something you call “erotic communion, words that involve the sacred and devotional aspects of making love. Can you say a little about that?
BG : Absolutely, I think it’s important to bring the sacred into the physical, so that these energies become integrated and intertwined. It’s a space in which you feel like you’re whole being is now deeply connecting with your partner. Again, I devote an entire chapter to the words you can use to express these feelings of “erotic communion”. An example might be, “When you love me like this I feel as if my spirit is wrapped around your soul” or “I am honored by the way you open your body to me so completely.”
FG : You’re so perfectly tantric. In fact, that is so much the beginning of what might be a tantric ritual for a couple, where they would sit on the bed together and just share words of appreciation of one another while slowly caressing. Or they might just sit in the lotus position, where the man and the woman are seated in front of one another. It’s a position in which woman has her legs wrapped around the man and he has his legs underneath her. Sometimes it help to have the woman on a pillow as well so all the pressure isn’t on his legs. It’s a wonderful way to start the tantric sexual encounter, which is often slower than a typical sexual pairing. It allows you to really savor the energy and deepen into the heart connection, awakening all the senses. So when you finally get to intercourse and orgasm you feel it through your entire body.
BG: Beautiful.
FG: So those kinds of phrases are perfect, and one of the things I often will also include with my beloved phrases that, we don’t hear very often. I might say “Your phallus is the life giving force,” while I’m caressing it. Or, “your phallus is the sea bearer, “without which life would not be.”. Many men in our culture have gotten very conflicted and negative images and expectations about their phallus – that it’s suppose to be strong and powerful and hard all the time. Of course, that’s ridiculous, because of course it can’t be. And also they get more negativity with words like, Don’t be such a “cock” or “dick”. Certainly those words can turn us on and our beloved may like them we can use them. But because they’re often negative words in the culture, it’s sometimes fun or exploratory to use some other words like “phallus”.
BG : Exactly, I have a whole list of words that I use in my book to describe our genitals and different forms of lovemaking. Some of them are humorous, some tender, some bawdy. I advise couples to try them out with their partner. Use them in a sentence because, hearing words like “dick” and “peter”, for some men, such words may be associated with men whose names are Dick and Peter – and it’s not a turn on. And words like “prick” and “cunt” are also used to insult and verbally abuse people, so they may bring up emotional wounds when used in a lovemaking context. But there are so many other words that you can use to play with. Some of them are really kind of comical like “John Thomas”, “skin flute,” “trouser snake”; or for a woman there’s “pleasure cove”, “jelly roll”–that sounds delicious [laughs] – and for men, “sugar stick.”
FG: Yes and you can use such words even when you’re not physically together. My beloved has phoned me to say:, “Tonight I hope I dream about your fragrant orchid.” [laughs]…
B : Beautiful.
BG : And I’ve also heard the expressions, your “love purse” and your “beauty spot.”
FG : I love that you’re bringing up these words that imply that fun is sacred and the sacred is fun. The joy is to be free to experiment and ask one another “How does it feel in your body if I call your genitals this or that?”
BG : Exactly. It’s important to tune into the way such erotic phrases land in your heart, your mind and your pelvis. Your body knows what it wants, craves and needs.
FG : There really isn’t a right or a wrong.
Bonnie Gabriel : No. It’s what makes us feel joyful, alive and passionate.
FG : What’s important is that we choose words that allow us to feel more connected, more aroused, and in tantra and sacred sexuality, connected both genitally and in our hearts.
BG : Precisely.
FG: Bonnie, I just want to thank you so much for coming on our show today and giving us such important guidance in using words to enhance our lovemaking. And thank you for joining us on Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra, where we bring you the soul of sex.
